I ain’t a nonce, slag or a screw. A bloke see, and I been on-line nearly two hours on the Amazon – perusing.
‘Perusing what’ people might ask?
I’ll tell you what, you pricks. Two categories on my mind: crime non-fiction, and prison, and I read all the introductions to all the criminals’ biographies. Hard bastards talk about face, respect, bull terriers, been to prison, done crime, served time, and how once they were all evil, nasty men, [they] lived together in one exciting gaol.
Another thing. None of them [the so-called] bastards write very well, I have to say that, I would say it to those faces online, I would, pixelated, use a pseudeme, self-publish a pamphlet, I reckon. Someone has to say it to them, it is me, standards of crime writing in prison are appalling, and probably getting worse.
So, I wanted to read the rest of one criminal’s story, but I gotta buy the rest of his bloody book. I got no money, I only read the free introduction of books – for free, learned nothing about his crimes, nothing about prison really, only what I told you. I learned about his childhoods in one half of chapter one. Who wants to read that infant shit, heh? Can’t turn all the kid’s bicycle stuff into a new-wave criminal fiction, can I? Who has not nicked a bicycle? We’ve all nicked a bicycle. What are you looking at? What are you doing on my website? You think it’s funny? I’ll show you funny, you monkey[s].